Dude Wearing One Of Those Awful Horse Masks Robbed a Home Poker Game

Daily Camera - Boulder police are investigating an armed robbery at a May 25 poker game during which one of the robbers was wearing a horse mask. The suspects barged into a poker game at a residence in the 2100 block of Columbine Avenue shortly after 11 p.m., threatened the players with a black handgun and left with an undisclosed amount of cash, according to a news release.

The first suspect is described as standing between 5 feet, 6 inches and 5 feet, 9 inches and weighing between 215 and 220 pounds. He was wearing a horse mask, dark clothes and carrying a wooden paddle. The second suspect is described as standing between 5 feet, 9 inches tall and 5 feet, 11 inches tall and weighing between 160 and 180 pounds. His face was covered with a dark bandana. He was wearing dark clothes and carrying a handgun. He was described as Hispanic.

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Those fucking horse masks. They were never funny. They were never clever. They were worn by the same people who wear fedoras unironically to make them think they were the reincarnation of Chris Farley. But the fact of the matter is if you wear one of those horse masks, you stink and I hope you die. And now I believe that double because they are being used to rob poker games. That’s a bad beat, man. One second you’re hanging out with your buds, trying to make a few dollars for the weekend, and the next thing you know someone in one of those god awful stupid masks is waving a hand gun in your face stealing all your money. Just another notch in the “whoever makes those horse masks should shut down the factory” column. Nothing good has ever come from them. So if the poker players were to sue anyone, it should be the maker of the horse mask. If not for those stupid things, the armed robbery would have never happened.

PS: Underground poker games are the best. Used to play in one in Glen Burnie where it was a 1/3 game with an unlimited buy in and there would be 10k on the table. Just a completely ridiculous, over the top aggressive game full of degenerates that I had no business being in. Absolutely no business at all.

PS: When I lived in New York I played a game in Irv Gotti’s apartment. Extremely random. Shit like this hanging on the walls everywhere